Home > fiction, novel > Dark Muse: Broken Sword

Dark Muse: Broken Sword

June 16, 2011

He chose love, finding passion in verse…

She chose him, and bent his passion…

***

the  Dark Muse will come to find there’s more to mortal love than words…

Within a quill’s ink, the story of Jason will bleed muses and myths, romance, seduction, and betrayal.

*

Jason, a miller from 18th Century Carolina, seeks to escape a loveless marriage while on an Atlantic voyage to Italy, aboard a ship whose captain hides a pirate past. As he watches his wedding ring disappear beneath the waves, he’s chosen to alter his path. Within his yearning to find true love, is a hidden passion for rhyme and verse. Taking strength from his words, he builds relationships with others onboard who share his passionate nature, including a supernatural muse who shapes and his words and ideas, and ultimately, the truths he finds within himself.

*

When his poetry becomes more than a connection between himself and his emotions, Jason finds the opportunity for love that he seeks. But another has already claimed him. Exotic and erotic, the Dark Muse clings to his senses, forming the kiss on his lips.

Immortal, Leanan Sidhe is a Queen of the Fae, and daughter of the Sea Gods. As Jason holds a hand out to the love he’s been seeking, at lust crashes like Atlantic waves on the rock of his soul, his experiences with both will be defined

In terms of betrayal…

###

One of the reasons for publishing our work is that we want it to find readers; and we want those readers to enjoy our writing, and to get something back from it which adds value to their lives. Unfortunately there is little chance of that happening with Dark Muse.

The book contains the usual sprinkling of misplaced commas, and a good few problems with other punctuation marks too. Those problems could be fixed by a competent copy editor: but the biggest problem with this book would still remain.

The text is quite remarkably over-written. There’s far too much description; the language is so unnecessarily complex that I often found myself struggling to understand the writer’s intentions; and I found several sentences which made no sense at all due, I suspect, to the writer not quite understanding some of the words he chose to use, or perhaps using them because he liked their sound and rhythm and didn’t actually care what they meant.

Add to that a lot of typesetting problems, a tiny font, and that cover image and you can probably understand why I read so little of this book: just three out of six hundred and eighteen pages. I strongly urge this writer to consider paring back his writing, and to aim for a much sparser style, if he wants to build himself a readership.

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  1. cat
    June 16, 2011 at 11:05 am

    I hope I am learning from all this – less maybe more?

  2. June 16, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    The author remains anonymous. Good thing.

  3. Karen
    June 16, 2011 at 2:36 pm

    Men didn’t wear wedding rings in the 18th century.

  4. June 16, 2011 at 3:37 pm

    As you know Jane, I see some grim self-pubbed books, but that cover is probably the worst ever. Although the book itself sounds as though it could rival it…

  5. June 16, 2011 at 9:40 pm

    Vanessa, I’ve seen covers which are much worse than this one. Honest.

    I really wish I could have been more positive about this book.

  6. June 17, 2011 at 3:24 am

    Does it get old to see the same types of mistakes over and over?

  7. Feona Bowey
    June 18, 2011 at 10:00 pm

    “She chose him, and bent his passion…”

    Did anyone else’s eyes water when they read that?

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